Pill Salesman
Yes, this is John with Max Services Medical Services. How are you today, sir? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m just calling that we do have the hydrocodone, sir. And we do have the Watson brand. Would you like for me to send you an order right now, sir? Can I get a sample? ' A sample? '''Mmhmm. ' I don’t believe you can, sir. '''Send me free s… We’re going to give you a special deal, sir. I mean, we do have the Watson brand, which is the best hydrocodone brand that there is. Does it give you a good sensation? I mean, yes. This is the Watson brand, sir. The original ones. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I take the forty-two hundred strength. ' The forty-two hundred? '''I lick ‘em and swallow ‘em. ' Okay. No problem. So what I’m gonna do, okay, I’m gonna document on this record that that is the prescription you use… 'I’m 'onna bacadadacadahoodoo. ' Okay… That sounds good. So what we do, OK okay, when we do have that prescription, we will give you a call. Thank you, sir. You have a wonderful day. … Hi. This is Mr. Smith, sir, calling on behalf of Max Services Online Pharmacy. How many day’s supply, sir, did you purchase? Pain relief medication hydrocodone? 'Four hundred. ' Four hundred? On hydr— On hydrocodone? 'Do you have Mongolian strength? ' No, sir. We have hydrocodone, and we have the Waxam brand, and we have the AP & P.. 'Mkay. ' din of some sort of crowded indoor venue can faintly be heard in the background The one that we do have is the hydrocodone... 'Duuuuy. Hydrocodone man. Duuy. ' We do ha- we do have a special on free shipping and handling, which is right now we's going to very briefly verify your information to make sure everything's correct... '''Do you want me to karate chop you? music joins the din of the crowd in the background I'm sorry? Do you deliver by moose err...? By moose? Are you on the loose? What-- what is-- what-- what is that-- uh... what is the moose that you saying? A moose. ' Oh, a moose. '''I see a moose. ' That you see a moon? Okay. 'Are you on-- are you on the loose? ' No, sir, no we're... no, no, no, I'm not on the loose. 'I just got bit by a goose. ' Okay. 'I need a masseuse. ' voice of a man can be heard shouting "Alright everyone, shut your cake hole!" over the din of the crowd in the background. '''What are we doin'? Okay. In order for me to help you with your medication, sir, I need to verify your information and write it down your order so the way I can submit it and give your ordering number and provide you with the customer service and the toll free number where you will be able to pick your tracking number at UPS department. Right. ' Okay? Just stay on the line one second. They just tell you the information that you see here and I just need you to tell me that you-- I have the- the right way, the correct way, sir. '''Yeah. ' Okay. Can you please tell me your date of birth? 'Two-eight-nine-two... four-two. ' bagpipe begins to play in the background Two-eight-nine-two... nineteen forty-two? 'Eighty-four. ' Okay. 'Twenty-two. ' Okay. The twenty-second. 'Eighty-three. ' Is your shipping address, sir, will be... 'Forty-two. ' Forty-two. 'Yeah. ' Is your shipping address will be to send us the billing? bagpipe music in the background is now accompanied by boisterous male singing 'I'm growing a beard. ' Okay. Do you ha-- 'It's going to be the longest beard... in the wooorld. ' Sir, do you have any-- any middle initial letter on your credit card number? 'Yes. ' Can you please tell me what is that middle initial? 'V... D-X. ' Hold on just a minute. person on the other end switches Good evening. Thank you very much for holding. My name is Kevin (????) supervisor. How are you? 'Good. ' That's great. Okay, ummm... Give me a second... Would you like to purchase your order? '''Okay. Would you? Yeah. Are you ready to demonstrate? ' Yes I am. '''Okay. Okay. ' Why-- why-- why do you aks? sic '''Cause I'm on a moose right now. You're on a moose? And I don't have time for your little routine. You know? No, there ain't no routine. You want to purchase a order of hydrocodone, correct? Look, can I ask you-- can I ask you a question? Yes, you may. Are you on the loose? Mmmm-- I don't... understand that question. Well, how come? I don't know what you mean "on the loose" what do you mean by uhh, umm, besides "the loose". Define "the loose"? Besides the loose. What do you mean by "loose". I don't know what "the loose" is. Like a pa--''' If you can explain to me-- if you can explain to me what you mean by "the loose", or "am I loose", then I can give you a correct answer. 'Like a papoose. ' Okay... 'I'm in the park. I live in a park. ' Really? 'Yeah. ' Okay... Do you have a middle initial? 'Yes. ' What is it? 'V-D-X. ' V-D-X? 'Mmhmm... I'm 'onna take a bullwhip to ya ass! ' Ummm... Sir, our computer just froze. You have a great evening. 'I'm 'onna kick ya in the ayss! ' Nah. Ta- take it easy in the park, alright? The computer froze and we can't purchase your order. 'Do you wanna ar--' Take-- take-- You take it easy in the park and I hope you, you know, you're looser than what you are. Take it easy. '''I'll whoop ya ass! can be heard as the track ends Category:Whip Category:Drugs Category:Do you have... Category:Calls to LPC Category:Scam artists